After the inspiring conference just over a week ago,where a variety of topics were discussed, i did leave feeling i had one unanswered question....... What about boundaries?
I wholeheartedly believe in AP i also believe in unschooling & making positive choices with our children whether that's lifestyle, learning styles or food choices but i heard very little on boundaries or discipline.
I do feel discipline plays a very important part, particularly in or family. We have used the 'naughty corner' when Erin was little & 'time out' as she got older but it was/is always done in a respectful & peaceful (as much as possible) a manner. i feel it gives time to all parties to calm down and think about their actions. After we discuss what has happened, discuss apologies we always finish on plenty of hugs/cuddles & kisses before moving onto something completely removed from the situation.
We have to set boundaries, how else will they know what is acceptable or not. There was talk about impulse control which works in most situations. But impulse control from the child's perspective whilst in the midst of a 'moment' it not often forthcoming. I need to exercise impulse control during the 'moment' which can be challenging to say the least.
So what are peoples perceptions of boundaries/discipline? As Erin has got older i feel we are more able to talk, negotiate & reason in such a way that there is very little need for discipline. But we had to lay those foundations early on, very early on.
In a conversation yesterday with a friend i asked her what she felt was an appropriate age to start disciplining a child. Is it a year (or earlier) is 2,4,7 or 10 when maybe they have already mugged their first old lady.
allowing them to 'be' for the first 7 years a la Steiner is great & something which we have done, not so with discipline.
Anyone who says a child as young as a year does not understand is not listening to their children. Both Erin & Kiki are completely aware of right & wrong and it is our job, our duty to encourage them to understand this in as positive a way as possible.
It's tough, really tough when i see the little faces crumple into tears and i am on hand to give reassuring hugs after but i feel this far outweighs the possible consequences that could come later on.
Sunday 19 June 2011
Thursday 16 June 2011
Sunday 12 June 2011
LTTL conference 2011
I left home for the LTTL conference yesterday with a bit of a spring in my step. Admittedly it was a tad early in the morning but i was having a WHOLE day to myself. Kev had agreed to have the girls while i attend the conference.
This was the first time ever that i had left Kiki (14 months) for such a long period & i cant remember when i had last left Erin (almost 7)
I met with a friend outside Holborn Station and we approached the Dragon Hall with a gleeful anticipation of what was about to unfold.
Once inside i got to meet with a few of my virtual FB/Twitter friends & actually put faces to names of people i had been chatting to for the past couple of years.
First on the agenda was Imran Shah a social worker & homeschooling dad who was talking about Attachment Parenting, something very close to my heart. He talked about the brain & neural cortex & how the limbic brain which no other non mammal has, is the foundation of empathy. How attachment grows the brain & the benefits of attachment means the child is able to deal with their own stress & traumas in later life, in a more positive & whole way.
I see that in Erin, who at almost 7 is an incredibly empathic person & will consider others feelings at times above her own.
He talked about some of the children who have crossed his path & how the early effects of non attachment have led them to the dark places & poor judgement.
This leads me onto Impulse Control, when well attached children will exercise the stop-pause-time to think-consequnces of action-think things through-change your mind. Something that many of the children he has dealt with do not have. There is no thought for consequnces. Without impulse control they cant strategise.
Again i use Erin as a prime example of impulse control, we always discuss our/her actions & how some actions may have consequences. This gives her ample opportunity to stop, think,weigh up her different outcomes & change her mind.......or not. Usually the outcome is positive for all concerned.
Giving her these choices is very important as it gives her the feeling of control and if she feels she has a certain level of control the outcome/situation is always diffused.
There are various people he mentioned whose works are worth reading about, in my notes i did not write all the details so just google these names: JOSEPH CHILTERN PEARCE, JOHN MEDINA, SARAH BLAFFERHRDY.
The important attachment stage is between 0-8years . My question to him was how can a parent (me) successfully AP 2 children one 7 & one 14 months. I feel at times that maybe i'm not giving enough to the girls.
Imran Shah put me at ease. The very fact that Kiki is a carried baby & we co-sleep is a very fundamental part of AP.
Another mum whose name i cant remember came and spoke to me after, she has 5 children and had the same worries until she realised that where she can't give, her other children can and fill in those gaps. That made perfect sense to me.
Imran Shah said he could talk about AP all day and i could listen all day.
Our next speaker Sandra Dodd put me in my place, unknowingly. A lyrical speaker she regaled us with her tales of unschooling her family and had me nodding vigoursly throughout her talk 'live in the moment' 'dont let the past bring you down' 'too much management is bad' 'wonder as it will make life more wonderful' ' live by principles rather than by rules' i could go on and on........it is about living in the now & enjoying it.
Her talk was so uplifting i bought her book 'Sandra Dodds Big Book of Unschooling'
David Waynforth spoke next about nutrition & unschooling and how the two work together, i wasn't sure if this would be relevant to me as we had a good relationship with food and nutriton at home. We always allow choices and food is never off limits or limited to certain times of the day. If Erin wants to eat she can go to the fridge/cupboard and help herself.
What David then said was about restricting, well sure i restrict sweets but should i? Does she gorge herself on snacks, no she is quite capable of self regualting her food intake. So why not with sweets. If i was to allow her sweets she would eat as many as possible within the alotted time but if they are there, readily available would she not eventually stop & self regulate her sweet consumption in essence just get plain sick of the sight of sweets.
So i took that if nothing else from his talk. It was a moment of self enlightenment and something which is now in practice at home.
I listened earnestly to our next speaker Mike Fortune Wood a man passionate about HE and very political in his views, this is where i got a bit of a downer. You see i admire this in people, in other HE-ers, i am not a political 'animal' and i have no desire to be. I just want to get on with unschooling. But if it is within our best interest to be aware of the politics then we need to educate ourselves, as at some point we might need to fight our corner.
I was schocked to find that if your daughter got pregnant she could go to the school nurse who could organise a termination on her behalf and you the parent would never know unless she chose to tell you. When i told this to Kevin he was gobsmacked to say the least. Kevin is a bit of a reluctant HE-er & i have to digest this conference & present it in such a way that it resonateswith him & this sure did. Especially when i told him this could be a 12 yr old girl, he was horrified.
I went on to give other examples of MFW's talk on how inconvenient behaviour gets you labeled, could get you removed from your family & could have you forceably put on medication. It makes me shudder to think how Orwellian our society is, curfews imposed on school kids thus affecting HE kids who are unable to go out during the day, all in the name of protection, protecting the rights of the children........yea right.
I did feel rather depressed after this talk but it also made me feel glad my kids are not and never will be in school.
It beggars belief that this is activley encouraged by the big churning wheel that is 'THEM' Badman for instance who consulted for 9-12 months with HE-ers to draw up govenrment guidlines etc then went against everything he claimed to be for citing Kyra Ishaq.
HE it seems is a political tool to be used in such a way as to control us, as 'THEY' feel we are outside their normal remit. 'THEY' at the moment cant control us, 'THEY' dont know how many of us there are and to be frank it scares them as thousands of free thinking adults are bringing up thousands more of free thinking children who WILL go onto be very valid and very vocal part of the future and 'THEY' dont like that. We must be contolled at all costs. Birmingham stated that it's impossible (for children) to be safe if you HE!!!!
Having ranted about that & i could have gone on but won't (god i wish my dad had been listening yesterday)
I will move swiftly on to the final talk given by Harriet Pattison & Alan Thomas about unschooling & reading, this for me was the icing on the cake. Having struggled with myself as to whether unschooling works if you dont 'teach' reading. I had been getting particularly nervous about Erin not reading, mainly because outsiders kept saying 'oh is she not reading yet' etc etc So listening to this talk put a huge amount of my worries to bed. They will do it. When? we dont know. How? we dont know that either but they will.
Alan Thomas went on to talk about studies he had done here and in Australia where they call unschooling/autonamous 'natural learning' and how on a visit to one family nothing appeared to be happening, nothing but everything. No formal 'get your books out' but lots of talk, varied discussions about apartheid and chats about cupcakes. It was all there if you looked and more imprtantly, listened.
Now, Erin has picked up a book. I never doubted her but did doubt myself, well no longer.
I pointed out in the Q&A that it also comes down to comprehension. A child at school can be taught to read but when asked questions on what they have read or what words mean they often cannot recall what they have read or know what words mean.
Late readers however can comprehend what they are reading as they have often been part of a speech rich interaction with family and learn the skill of reading faster. Often they will find thenselves at the same level or several years above their peers.
Yes Erin can spell. Yes Erin can comprehend and this will only help speed up her new found skill of reading.
After this very very long day i came away with so much in my brain it was and still is boggled.
I'm uplifted, validated a tad worried but overall happy and content with our parenting choices and happy that we are on this unschooling journey.
This was the first time ever that i had left Kiki (14 months) for such a long period & i cant remember when i had last left Erin (almost 7)
I met with a friend outside Holborn Station and we approached the Dragon Hall with a gleeful anticipation of what was about to unfold.
Once inside i got to meet with a few of my virtual FB/Twitter friends & actually put faces to names of people i had been chatting to for the past couple of years.
First on the agenda was Imran Shah a social worker & homeschooling dad who was talking about Attachment Parenting, something very close to my heart. He talked about the brain & neural cortex & how the limbic brain which no other non mammal has, is the foundation of empathy. How attachment grows the brain & the benefits of attachment means the child is able to deal with their own stress & traumas in later life, in a more positive & whole way.
I see that in Erin, who at almost 7 is an incredibly empathic person & will consider others feelings at times above her own.
He talked about some of the children who have crossed his path & how the early effects of non attachment have led them to the dark places & poor judgement.
This leads me onto Impulse Control, when well attached children will exercise the stop-pause-time to think-consequnces of action-think things through-change your mind. Something that many of the children he has dealt with do not have. There is no thought for consequnces. Without impulse control they cant strategise.
Again i use Erin as a prime example of impulse control, we always discuss our/her actions & how some actions may have consequences. This gives her ample opportunity to stop, think,weigh up her different outcomes & change her mind.......or not. Usually the outcome is positive for all concerned.
Giving her these choices is very important as it gives her the feeling of control and if she feels she has a certain level of control the outcome/situation is always diffused.
There are various people he mentioned whose works are worth reading about, in my notes i did not write all the details so just google these names: JOSEPH CHILTERN PEARCE, JOHN MEDINA, SARAH BLAFFERHRDY.
The important attachment stage is between 0-8years . My question to him was how can a parent (me) successfully AP 2 children one 7 & one 14 months. I feel at times that maybe i'm not giving enough to the girls.
Imran Shah put me at ease. The very fact that Kiki is a carried baby & we co-sleep is a very fundamental part of AP.
Another mum whose name i cant remember came and spoke to me after, she has 5 children and had the same worries until she realised that where she can't give, her other children can and fill in those gaps. That made perfect sense to me.
Imran Shah said he could talk about AP all day and i could listen all day.
Our next speaker Sandra Dodd put me in my place, unknowingly. A lyrical speaker she regaled us with her tales of unschooling her family and had me nodding vigoursly throughout her talk 'live in the moment' 'dont let the past bring you down' 'too much management is bad' 'wonder as it will make life more wonderful' ' live by principles rather than by rules' i could go on and on........it is about living in the now & enjoying it.
Her talk was so uplifting i bought her book 'Sandra Dodds Big Book of Unschooling'
David Waynforth spoke next about nutrition & unschooling and how the two work together, i wasn't sure if this would be relevant to me as we had a good relationship with food and nutriton at home. We always allow choices and food is never off limits or limited to certain times of the day. If Erin wants to eat she can go to the fridge/cupboard and help herself.
What David then said was about restricting, well sure i restrict sweets but should i? Does she gorge herself on snacks, no she is quite capable of self regualting her food intake. So why not with sweets. If i was to allow her sweets she would eat as many as possible within the alotted time but if they are there, readily available would she not eventually stop & self regulate her sweet consumption in essence just get plain sick of the sight of sweets.
So i took that if nothing else from his talk. It was a moment of self enlightenment and something which is now in practice at home.
I listened earnestly to our next speaker Mike Fortune Wood a man passionate about HE and very political in his views, this is where i got a bit of a downer. You see i admire this in people, in other HE-ers, i am not a political 'animal' and i have no desire to be. I just want to get on with unschooling. But if it is within our best interest to be aware of the politics then we need to educate ourselves, as at some point we might need to fight our corner.
I was schocked to find that if your daughter got pregnant she could go to the school nurse who could organise a termination on her behalf and you the parent would never know unless she chose to tell you. When i told this to Kevin he was gobsmacked to say the least. Kevin is a bit of a reluctant HE-er & i have to digest this conference & present it in such a way that it resonateswith him & this sure did. Especially when i told him this could be a 12 yr old girl, he was horrified.
I went on to give other examples of MFW's talk on how inconvenient behaviour gets you labeled, could get you removed from your family & could have you forceably put on medication. It makes me shudder to think how Orwellian our society is, curfews imposed on school kids thus affecting HE kids who are unable to go out during the day, all in the name of protection, protecting the rights of the children........yea right.
I did feel rather depressed after this talk but it also made me feel glad my kids are not and never will be in school.
It beggars belief that this is activley encouraged by the big churning wheel that is 'THEM' Badman for instance who consulted for 9-12 months with HE-ers to draw up govenrment guidlines etc then went against everything he claimed to be for citing Kyra Ishaq.
HE it seems is a political tool to be used in such a way as to control us, as 'THEY' feel we are outside their normal remit. 'THEY' at the moment cant control us, 'THEY' dont know how many of us there are and to be frank it scares them as thousands of free thinking adults are bringing up thousands more of free thinking children who WILL go onto be very valid and very vocal part of the future and 'THEY' dont like that. We must be contolled at all costs. Birmingham stated that it's impossible (for children) to be safe if you HE!!!!
Having ranted about that & i could have gone on but won't (god i wish my dad had been listening yesterday)
I will move swiftly on to the final talk given by Harriet Pattison & Alan Thomas about unschooling & reading, this for me was the icing on the cake. Having struggled with myself as to whether unschooling works if you dont 'teach' reading. I had been getting particularly nervous about Erin not reading, mainly because outsiders kept saying 'oh is she not reading yet' etc etc So listening to this talk put a huge amount of my worries to bed. They will do it. When? we dont know. How? we dont know that either but they will.
Alan Thomas went on to talk about studies he had done here and in Australia where they call unschooling/autonamous 'natural learning' and how on a visit to one family nothing appeared to be happening, nothing but everything. No formal 'get your books out' but lots of talk, varied discussions about apartheid and chats about cupcakes. It was all there if you looked and more imprtantly, listened.
Now, Erin has picked up a book. I never doubted her but did doubt myself, well no longer.
I pointed out in the Q&A that it also comes down to comprehension. A child at school can be taught to read but when asked questions on what they have read or what words mean they often cannot recall what they have read or know what words mean.
Late readers however can comprehend what they are reading as they have often been part of a speech rich interaction with family and learn the skill of reading faster. Often they will find thenselves at the same level or several years above their peers.
Yes Erin can spell. Yes Erin can comprehend and this will only help speed up her new found skill of reading.
After this very very long day i came away with so much in my brain it was and still is boggled.
I'm uplifted, validated a tad worried but overall happy and content with our parenting choices and happy that we are on this unschooling journey.
Monday 6 June 2011
Banging my head against a wall & the joys of Erin reading
Arrrgh! i have to start with a HUGE rant, my better (ahem) half is dragging his heels over our cabin i want in our garden. We just had words. Why are men so thick headed and why do they always think they know better and turn into some kind of condescending numpty who looks at you (me) as some kind of inferior detritus he found on the bottom of his rather cheesy slipper!
All i want is to have a space outside. We live in a 1st floor flat, we are lucky enough to have a loft conversion that is now our resources room. We are also lucky that we have a large-ish garden compared to our neighbours and a garage which can't actually be used as a garage & it is currently junked up with junk.
We cant have a conservatory because of being in a flat, so the idea was to pull down the existing garage and put up a shed/cabin in its place. Kev has ummed and ahhed since this has been mentioned. Once i sold my trailer i knew i had the money to use for this purpose, so i started looking. Then i get mutterings of 'oh i wont have the time' or 'can we leave it until next year' or 'the aliens have sucked my brains out, thus rendering me unable to make a simple decision about a shed' {insert expletives from me} The new on now is we have to clear the existing garage first, ok, agreed but guess what, we can't do that until we get the car (that has been given to us by his parents) insured. The car was given to us last week only they wont release it to us until it is insured.
Why is this a problem i hear you ask, well Mr Fanny Around couldn't decide who to insure it with and had me looking on every available website 'add this in, take this off, change this, what about this' he even woke me one night 'cos he couldn't get the laptop working properly (it had probably got pissed off with having to chop and change between every comparison site) This caused a row at 11pm & he had a hissy fit & went to bed GRRRRRRR.
You see we cant clear the garage until we get the car so we can take the stuff to a carboot sale (listen to me sobbing boohoo!)
So now i sit here waiting for him to get his lazy backside out to the van to pick up a number for some insurance place. He should be at work but came home early as he had been rained of AND bless him he had to have food then a nap then more food then a fag and a sh1t which takes approx 45 mins now he's faffing.
And you wonder why i get stressed!
and 'ommmmmm' that's me meditating.
On a more unstressed pleasant note Erin has read up to chapter 5 in her book. What a Huge turnaround for my reluctant reader.....yes I'm sure the promise of a bike at the end of summer has possibly got something to do with it but........
At least she is reading, it's a start and a very good one by all counts.
All i want is to have a space outside. We live in a 1st floor flat, we are lucky enough to have a loft conversion that is now our resources room. We are also lucky that we have a large-ish garden compared to our neighbours and a garage which can't actually be used as a garage & it is currently junked up with junk.
We cant have a conservatory because of being in a flat, so the idea was to pull down the existing garage and put up a shed/cabin in its place. Kev has ummed and ahhed since this has been mentioned. Once i sold my trailer i knew i had the money to use for this purpose, so i started looking. Then i get mutterings of 'oh i wont have the time' or 'can we leave it until next year' or 'the aliens have sucked my brains out, thus rendering me unable to make a simple decision about a shed' {insert expletives from me} The new on now is we have to clear the existing garage first, ok, agreed but guess what, we can't do that until we get the car (that has been given to us by his parents) insured. The car was given to us last week only they wont release it to us until it is insured.
Why is this a problem i hear you ask, well Mr Fanny Around couldn't decide who to insure it with and had me looking on every available website 'add this in, take this off, change this, what about this' he even woke me one night 'cos he couldn't get the laptop working properly (it had probably got pissed off with having to chop and change between every comparison site) This caused a row at 11pm & he had a hissy fit & went to bed GRRRRRRR.
You see we cant clear the garage until we get the car so we can take the stuff to a carboot sale (listen to me sobbing boohoo!)
So now i sit here waiting for him to get his lazy backside out to the van to pick up a number for some insurance place. He should be at work but came home early as he had been rained of AND bless him he had to have food then a nap then more food then a fag and a sh1t which takes approx 45 mins now he's faffing.
And you wonder why i get stressed!
and 'ommmmmm' that's me meditating.
On a more unstressed pleasant note Erin has read up to chapter 5 in her book. What a Huge turnaround for my reluctant reader.....yes I'm sure the promise of a bike at the end of summer has possibly got something to do with it but........
At least she is reading, it's a start and a very good one by all counts.
Sunday 5 June 2011
Chiroprator visits, Adrenal Fatigue, The London Green Festival & everything inbetween
It seems to have been a few days since i last posted. I don't know where the days go but they sure fly by. I finally got to the Physio after 8 months of waiting, Cheers NHS. I only got as far as an assessment no treatment so back next week. I did however get an appointment with a Chiropractor i had the initial assessment followed by treatment the next day. The relief for me is i am now on the road to recovery but it seems this could be a long and windy road as it appears some long standing issues with my back and Adrenal Fatigue. I know this from past visits to Physios and Osteopath's and a healer but i have never been to a Chiro before.They work with the whole nervous system and are very holistic in their approach. I borrowed a book from my Chiro on Adrenal Fatigue - Adrenal Fatigue the 21st Century Stress Syndrome. I found it very interesting so much so i ordered a copy of the book from Amazon. I found the diet particularly interesting as it deals with many issues for me. hypoglycemia, intolerance's & food hangover (always wondered why i can wake feeling hungover when i haven't touched alcohol)
So i have started on a course of vit C, Cal/Mag, Liquorice & Ginger and a Iron tonic. It was very interesting to read that i may need extra sodium in my diet something which i have always avoided as i don't really like the taste. As most people with AF you tend to have low blood pressure which means you can add salt/sodium into your diet without causing harm. See http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/ for further info especially if you suffer from ME/CFS IBS and other auto immune deficiencies.
Yesterday me & the girls went to Regents Park and The London Green Festival. What a beautiful day and a lovely festival. Challenging when you have 2 girls to look after both wanting/needing different things and have to contend with the heat (not complaining about the weather though. We saw some great tents and would have loved to have spent longer in SE London Waldorf School tent. Erin made a smoothie by peddle power, her peddling generated the power to make the blender work, she got the smoothie for free. Both girls had their feces painted and Erin had a Henna tattoo, something she is hoping will not come off ever.
My next question for you out there whether you are seasoned child rearers or just starting out and able to share info and tips, tell me: how do effectively AP 2 children. Different ages, different needs. Or do you all just muddle along like i seem to be doing? It was fine and almost easy with just one now its a whole other kettle of fish. Feel free to answer on here or via my email unschoolinghub@aol.com
Today we are off to our local funfair, not sure how much fun it will be or if indeed it is fair in the price but hey the girls, well Erin mainly are desperate to go. hopefully i will post pics later along with the 3 pics from the festival. Why only 3, that's because i have a stupid Blackberry mobile that *insert expletives* up all the time and it wouldn't play ball yesterday. Lets hope today it does better.
So i have started on a course of vit C, Cal/Mag, Liquorice & Ginger and a Iron tonic. It was very interesting to read that i may need extra sodium in my diet something which i have always avoided as i don't really like the taste. As most people with AF you tend to have low blood pressure which means you can add salt/sodium into your diet without causing harm. See http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/ for further info especially if you suffer from ME/CFS IBS and other auto immune deficiencies.
Yesterday me & the girls went to Regents Park and The London Green Festival. What a beautiful day and a lovely festival. Challenging when you have 2 girls to look after both wanting/needing different things and have to contend with the heat (not complaining about the weather though. We saw some great tents and would have loved to have spent longer in SE London Waldorf School tent. Erin made a smoothie by peddle power, her peddling generated the power to make the blender work, she got the smoothie for free. Both girls had their feces painted and Erin had a Henna tattoo, something she is hoping will not come off ever.
My next question for you out there whether you are seasoned child rearers or just starting out and able to share info and tips, tell me: how do effectively AP 2 children. Different ages, different needs. Or do you all just muddle along like i seem to be doing? It was fine and almost easy with just one now its a whole other kettle of fish. Feel free to answer on here or via my email unschoolinghub@aol.com
Today we are off to our local funfair, not sure how much fun it will be or if indeed it is fair in the price but hey the girls, well Erin mainly are desperate to go. hopefully i will post pics later along with the 3 pics from the festival. Why only 3, that's because i have a stupid Blackberry mobile that *insert expletives* up all the time and it wouldn't play ball yesterday. Lets hope today it does better.
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